justscribing | The City

[Wait. Wait a minute-]

You're together?

yes?

did kaveh never mention that

i kinda figured he would have

No, but it's never really come up.

So you're in a relationship with Yesod and Midnight. Are they in one with each other?

nah. just with me.

yesod isn't the type, you know? but he's okay with me wanting to see someone else too

i didn't even know he had feelings until i was already kind of involved with midnight...

So they're sharing you.

[And Yesod was the second. He wonders, briefly, if the same situation might have occurred with Kaveh, before writing it off as an impossibility. Kaveh is simply plagued by too much guilt. Alhaitham would never have pushed because they surely would have fallen apart.

Netzach being that close to him has him wondering something else.]

And how does Midnight treat you and Yesod?

they pretty much are, yeah

[as for that question, though... hm.]

do you mean us individually, or how does he handle the two of us also being together

Individually.

Consider it just curiosity.

i think he treats yesod well. at least, yesod's said they've talked, and he didn't have any complaints about being treated poorly... i don't think midnight would.

he's always been good to me though. ever since we met.

[It is good, he thinks, they're doing this via text message so Alhaitham doesn't have to temper his reactions. He can scowl at his phone screen all he wants. "I don't think Midnight would" and yet-]

What do you consider being good to you? What is being bad to you?

you know, i don't know how well i can answer the second one

i probably put up with more than i should sometimes just because i was used to it. i try not to. i'll say something if i don't like how i'm being treated.

but he listens to me. treats me like the things i wanna say are important. i know he gives everyone affection, but i'm counting that as being good to me, i've kinda come to like that...

i thought none of it was anything serious. tried not to have feelings for him because of that, if i'm being honest. then he was there for me a couple times he really didn't have to be, when i really needed someone to be there, and when i needed to hear what he was saying. he let me be there for him. let me in a little more.

so that's a big part of it, i guess. not just leaving things totally unequal. that's what i'd consider being good to me, not just treating me well but letting me return it

i think kaveh's always been good to me too. not sure if he LETS me return it so much as i'm going to whether he lets me or not but you know how that is

[Netzach would draw a line before Kaveh would, if perhaps not as much as he should. But that's the factor that makes Alhaitham want to know, in light of the revelation they're dating, how much of a difference there is in how Midnight treats him versus Alhaitham, or Kaveh.

His finger taps the table absently.]

I appreciate the answer.

It isn't impossible for Kaveh to accept being cared for, but he gives in excess and leaves nothing left for himself so it may seem as if he can never receive simply because he puts more emphasis on what he can do for others than the other way around. Loving him with his difficulties is the only way to, because this is a habit he will continue to fall into until he himself wants to escape it.

yeah, he really does, huh

i try to. i don't know how well it's working, but...

Would it change your actions any if you felt that he couldn't accept what you give him? Your feelings?

no. it wouldn't change anything.

it already doesn't.

[sorry about your bf having multiple people in love with him,]

[It's fine he's used to this.

And besides, there's nothing he understands more than that. Giving for the sake of it, even if Kaveh never truly accepted the reality of it.]

Then the best thing you can do is to be assured in how far you would go for him and simply do it. And expect that he's going to be frustrating about accepting it, but Kaveh is like most people in that even he wants to be loved and understood. He just doesn't want to show you the worst of him. That's nothing to do with you specifically. He contains himself for most people.

[Which maybe he shouldn't be just telling Netzach but he feels like it's obvious Kaveh is trying too be on his best behavior for Netzach. This is probably only obvious to him because he gets Kaveh's worst behavior on the daily.]

i can kind of get it. he's seen how i was at my worst, he's gotta know i wouldn't judge him or anything...

but opening up like that... it's always hard.

It is. Kaveh can love very easily, but trusting someone is much harder. It's less his expectations of you and more his expectations of himself.

he's way too hard on himself... it's about as hard to get him to sit down and stop working for five minutes as it is for midnight

well or it was anyway, they're both better about it now

Well, that isn't completely from his low self-esteem. He's also just a busybody.

Unfortunately for him, wishful thinking isn't going to reduce his need for sleep. He has been getting more rest, though, partly because of you.

It would be convenient if he'd simply abide by my schedule with the occasional early morning.

convenient, sure, but he doesn't seem like the type to abide by anyone else's schedule for anything

for now i'm just satisfied with getting him to nap

He doesn't abide by any schedule at all. Nobody needs to be awake at 3 A.M. to build a scale model of a house.

was he doing that last night?

No but he's done it too many nights since he moved in back in Sumeru. It's only because he doesn't have so many projects that require it in this city that I can sleep without wearing my earpieces.

[Yeah he will be annoyed and complain. No he won't tell Kaveh to stop he'll just wear his headphones to bed.]

oh, is that what those are for

he'll probably find more projects, but at least it's a break for you both for now

Yes, I use them to block noise and play music from an attached device. I think I've seen them called headphones around this place.

He's actually at his workshop with Hat Guy right now for planning to finally build a forge.

[The Forge, an issue he's mostly complained to Alhaitham about but that Netzach has almost certainly had to overhear a time or two since becoming his assistant. There's a lot of projects backlogged until he could make custom metal pieces.]

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